Time to read: 3 mins
A while ago (a long time ago) I watched an episode of Comedian in Cars Getting Coffee. As the title suggests, the show is about comedians in cars getting coffee with the host Jerry Seinfeld. It’s a good combination of cars, comedy and coffee.
I watched an episode where the guest was Chris Rock. Jerry picked him up in a 1969 Lamborghini 400s Miura. The dialogue and comedy were great. Then there were some remarks about arguing both sided that got my attention.
A dialogue with Chris Rock
Chris: The ability to talk to a lot of people is freakish
Chris: Anyplace where there is a microphone people want me to speak, a funeral and book signing someone’s birthday. It doesn’t matter where I am.
Jerry: There is no subject that you can’t handle, you (as a comedian) have given some thought to almost everything.
Chris: We are professional arguers. Not only can we argue, but we argue either sides.
Chris: If you walked into a school and saw your kid talking to 500 kids you think your kid was possessed.
A Freakish Ability
For Chris, the ability to speak to a lot of people and successfully holds their attention comes down to being able to see both sides. He demonstrated this when hosting the 2016 Oscar Awards.
Despite the protests for the lack of diversity of the Nominees, he was able to entertain the majority of actors while still acknowledging the issues that lead to other actors boycotting the event. It was a difficult situation; to talk in front of your peers about a very sensitive topic, where anyone could have been easily offended.
Seeing both sides
When solving a problem that involves negotiating or mediation. We usually don’t spend enough time on the other side of the fence. We may be able to see things from another person’s perspective but only for a short period of time.
By only briefly acknowledging someone else point of view; we can only briefly break out of our own biases before we return to own arguments and points of views that we are comfortable and familiar with.
Less time on the other side
Some of the reasons why we avoid ‘the other side’ is due to our inbuilt biases. A point of view different from our own may cause some discomfort or may contradict our own beliefs. This is known as Selective Perception (i.e. the tendency not to notice and more quickly forget stimuli that cause emotional discomfort and contradict our prior beliefs)
We also have a tendency to tune out when listening because we assume we know how others feel. This bias is known as the Illusion of Transparency (i.e. The tendency to overestimate how well we understand the personal mental states of others)
More time on the other side
By spending more time on the other side we can move from sympathy (a glib acknowledgment) to empathy (a personal understanding).
Having empathy builds trust between two parties and helps to build an environment that is collaborative, supportive, inclusive and sustainable. Having empathy also makes you feel good!
The only question is, which side is smart enough to go first?
Time to read: 3 mins
- Have an honest view of ourselves, too often we see ourselves as less then.
- Choose your ideals carefully, make sure that you select an ideal that is realistic.
- Technology that we control and
- those the we don’t.
When using these types of technologies we are confident that the information is real and that because information is in plain sight; you can identify street names and recognise building on a map. You can see and understand the logic behind a calculator and control the formulas on a excel spreadsheet.
Time to read: 2 mins.
After spending the entire weekend alone with my son, I not only realised how much he has changed and grown but how adults are also in a constant state of change and growth.
The habits that a 4 year old adopts are no different to the habits that adults adopt, in that they both change our behaviour and who we are as people.
As parents, we view children as our responsibility. It is our responsibility to set up the right routines, habits and instil morals that we believe are essential for them to succeed in life.
We sometimes battle with our children and diligently try to explain to them the importance of listening, cleaning up after themselves, going to bed on time and other important skills, tasks and rituals that can sometimes seem a little trivial (especially at the age of four).
In our minds, the same battles occur, only they are happening within ourselves. We try to explain why we need to look after our health, work out more often, eat better, complete a particular certification or qualification, get promoted and network more efficiently.
But what happened to our parents? Once we became adults, did they just concede and say ‘well we did all that we could’. Do they assume that we just won’t listen anymore and stop giving advice? Do they assume that we know the world better than they do?
Kids need parenting, once a kid becomes an adult, it is assumed that they can parent themselves and from that point, the parents are no longer responsible…
The question is, are we grown up enough to parent ourselves into being a better human being in the same way that we instruct our kids?
Selecting the right words and techniques to motivate children is a skill. Even more a skill is knowing the right words and techniques to use on ourselves. After a while, it’s easy to see the patterns in behaviour in a child, but we fail to see them in ourselves.
Correcting patterns of behaviour that we see in our kids is sometimes difficult. We sometimes choose to defer taking any action and wait for them to ‘grow up’ so that they are more attentive, are able to concentrate, process more complex information and make better decisions.
Unfortunately, adults don’t have same luxury.
Measures of Success
When we see good or even great kids, a significant factor is parenting. The parents have mastered ‘the skill’ that we discussed earlier.
They have put in enough time with their kids and know the right words to say and which techniques to use. The measure of success is how their kids have turned out.
Correspondingly, when we see good or great success in other adults (or even ourselves), they too have mastered ‘the skill’. Adults who devote enough time to themselves know the right words to say and the technique to use to move them into action.
How they live their lives (all aspects of it) and the legacy they leave behind is a measure of their success.
Time to read: 4 mins
A colleague recently recommended that I listen to an interview with Google’s Lazlo Bock (the company’s VP of People Operations) on the Hidden Brain podcast. Towards the end of the interview, Lazlo mentioned two terms that most of us may be unfamiliar with. Although we have an understanding of them and may have even experienced the phenomena. The two terms were:
- Psychological Safety; and
Lazlo’s interview delved into topics such as how employee reviews are done, how employers decide which staff members receive a pay increase, the hiring process, and other HR-related topics.
Unless you’re working in an extremely progressive workplace, most of these topics are somewhat outside our control and influence.
The topic of psychological safety is intriguing because it’s something that can be observed in smaller teams and in organisations as a whole. It may even exist within your own family.
It’s something that’s hard to describe in words. When psychological safety exists in the workplace, we say it’s a ‘really nice’ workplace; when it doesn’t exist, we hear the workplace described as ‘difficult’ or just plain ‘bad’.
What are we trying to say with these generic adverbs and adjectives?
What it is
Psychological safety is a shared belief that the team is safe from interpersonal risks. ‘Safe’ teams are teams in which members feel accepted and respected.
A practical example
I recently joined a new team, and during our first retrospective I was asked how I transitioning. I responded by saying that I found all of the team member to be very open and friendly. The scrum master added:
“The thing I like most about this team is that there is no one dominant personality within the group.”
Despite the defined roles and a certain hierarchy, everybody made time for each other, and no one was too proud to admit a mistake or say that they missed something. To me, the level of transparency was what made the team great and enjoyable to work with.
People felt safe, and no one was criticised.
The majority and the minority
Our team produced better results, they were generally more relaxed, got more work done, and in a lot less time.
Because our team consisted of more senior team members, an assumption was made that this was the reason our team ran so well. And so, in an attempt to improve other teams, two of our most senior staff members were swapped for ‘newbies’. But this didn’t improve the results of the other teams or diminish our own. That’s because the working culture of the majority influenced the minority.
The other topic in the Lazlo interview, microaggression (one word) is a topic everyone should be aware of. Microaggressions happen every day. When they occur, they’re usually done unconsciously and without intent.
There is an interesting website where microaggression is explained through photos. While some of these photos are blatantly offensive, others make you stop and think. Putting yourself into someone else’s position and understanding how the words we use can be hurtful is an underutilised skill. I implore you to give the article a quick look.
Stretching out the group
Microaggression has a strong association with race and ethnicity, but microaggressions can (and should) be applied to other minority groups associated with gender, sexuality, age, those with disabilities and religious beliefs.
The Freeman approach
Because microaggressions usually happen without conscious bias, what can we do about them? I like Morgan Freeman’s approach, which is to ‘stop talking about it’. There is no need to point out a person’s race or ethnicity (or any of the groups mentioned above). Just talk to a person as a person. Again, I implore you to check out the article to understand what a microaggression is.
We’re more likely to see microaggressions in casual social settings than in a professional working environment.
Be the change
Looking at my example of psychological safety, we can see how the majority in a group has a strong influence over the minority.
Trying to change the majority is not easy. It’s even more difficult when you’re in the minority. But sometimes it’s the only option that we have as individuals. Eventually, if enough individuals change, then the majority will change and the way to start is with those within your own circle of influence.
Comparing the two
Microaggressions can destroy a psychologically safe environment. A psychologically safe environment encourages and demonstrates how we should treat others – that is, by relating to others without prejudice, by always giving them the benefit of the doubt, and generally having a positive and understanding attitude towards them.
It also works the other way around. By looking at the benefits of psychological safety, we can logically conclude that psychological safety inhibits forms of microaggression.