Time to read: 2 mins.
Last night I watched the movie Barry. A quick synopsis: Barrack Obama arrives in New York City in the early eighties as a college student at Columbia University as he tries to find his own identity and his place in life. To be honest I found the movie a little underwhelming. At least those were my initial thoughts on the movie…
Barry covers themes of identity, race, perceptions and how we label others. One of the biggest takeaways was how Barrack was surrounded by a wide array of people early on in his life, wealthy, poor, educated and lost. And while these people have some influence on him, Barry never conforms to anyone’s philosophy or way of living.
There are numerous long scene’s that don’t drive the narrative forward. Instead, it shows Barrack getting lost in his own thoughts where he is either sitting on a park bench, looking out on to the cityscape, smoking a cigarette, or reading a book in the library;
The people around us
As many bad influences that are around Barry, he also had some good ones. He is able to see people them for who they are, the circumstances that they are in and what drives them.
In those scenes that I mentioned above, I wondered what Barrack is thinking about. Was it his own background? And should that determine what his own direction going forward? Without that clarity and definition of who he is, Barrack struggles to connect with anyone around him.
Finding you and connect with others
As I tried to relate to Barrack in the 1980’s, I found that our situation is analogous to what we see in the movie Barry. That’s if we are interested in connecting with others. In Melbourne, 49% are either born overseas or have at least one parent who is born overseas. We come from more than 200 countries, speak over 250 languages and dialects and follow over 130 religions.
Like Barrack in the early 80’s in New York, we should evaluate the unique experiences that we bring as individuals and the values we hold. In the same light, we should also seek the insights that others can provide us not just in the workplace but also in life.
Time to read: 3 min.
What I have commonly observed with friends and family and in the workplace, is that the kindest and nicest of all people often have a difficult time saying no. Yet, saying no is a critical skill. It’s a skill that can save us time, raises our status as a leader and improves our self-worth.
If you often find yourself saying yes, when you should really be saying no. Then this article is for you.
Associations with the word no.
Words are important. How we define, internalise and give words meaning determines how we feel and experience the world around us.
Most of us have a negative association with the word no. If we reflect on situations where we have had to say no or heard the word, its generally associated with a negative emotion.
The fear of saying no
These negative associations stems from fear. We can fear how others will react. Some can react with frustration, anger and disappointment. When others react this way, it can leave us with feelings of guilt and shame; as it’s natural to long for the approval of others.
After having seen people reacting poorly (and more than once), the wisdom that I can share is that when there is an opportunity to set an expectation early, then take the time to prepare the requestor for the response that they may not want to hear.
Sometimes there is no avoiding a poor reaction. The important thing to remember, is that it is not your role to appease the requestor. Harmony is not always possible and in these situation conflict maybe unavoidable.
Another aspect of why we have trouble saying no is from the fear of missing out. There are meetings you could attend, people that you should meet and groups that you should participate in. I’m not saying that these activities are not beneficial, but we have to be selective of the opportunities that we choose to take on.
When you say yes to something, you are indirectly saying no to something else. If you are in the ‘nice and kind’ category, then often it’s you own goals, interest and aspirations that are being pushed back and neglected.
Take some time to think about the message you send to yourself when this is done on a consistent basis. Aren’t your goals, interests and aspirations just as valuable as everyone else’s?
There is a right way to say no. A way that allows you to keep your self-worth without coming off as being rude or aggressive.
The right way to say no
Assertiveness. In the context of saying no, assertiveness means expressing your point of view with grace.
Assertiveness is demonstrated when you are able to say no in the right manner, tone, with purpose and poise. When you are assertive it means you are not looking for external validation or the approval of others.
When you are not looking for validation or approval; You can say no confidently because your actions align with your convictions. It’s like having a planned response.
A planned response shows that you are prudent, thoughtful and considerate because you let the requestor know why you are saying no. You may even suggest an alternative avenue to pursue. There is no need for stalling, lying or giving an “I can’t” excuse. You say no, because it’s your decision to say no.
Over time being assertive when saying no will gain you the respect and trust of others. You will eventually feel better for it and start to see the benefits. You may even change a once negative association to a positive one J
For a more in-depth look into this topic, I would recommend The Art of Saying No by Damon Zahariades.
- Technology that we control and
- those the we don’t.
When using these types of technologies we are confident that the information is real and that because information is in plain sight; you can identify street names and recognise building on a map. You can see and understand the logic behind a calculator and control the formulas on a excel spreadsheet.
Time to read: 3 mins
Working on Windows 10, I am currently using (and not by choice) Microsoft Edge as my browser. It has a feature whereby every time you open up a new tab, it shows you a news feed. I’m not a formula one racing fan but the title of an article appeared on my news feed that did capture my attention. The article was titled “Lewis Hamilton is ‘very serious’ about a music career”
Lewis Hamilton is a three time formula one championship winner and currently racing for the Mercedes Team, for those of you who have no idea 🙂 By all accounts he is successful in his career and life in general. In the article Lewis revealed his interest in pursuing a career in music.
“It’s got to the point now where it’s very serious. If I am not training; getting ready for a race, I’m here [working on my music]”
After reading the article I was a little perplexed, but then I started to think… Why would he want to pursue a music career when he is already successful and has a well established career in Formula One?
Most of us all have jobs but like Hamilton not all of us are able to create, share and express ourselves freely and in a way that we are comfortable with.
As humans all of us have a need to express ourselves, to create something and share it with the world. It’s within all of us but the way we go about it comes out in many different forms. It may come in a form of a simple act like the way we dress, how we do our makeup or the tattoos we have. Sometimes in more obvious and deliberate displays.
When I was growing up my grandmother would work in the garden, come spring time people would walk past and stop to admire the snapdragon flowers in our front yard. My mother makes wedding dresses and my father casually plays the keyboard.
The point I am trying to make is these ‘works of expression’ that we all do are important even if it is a small daily act or (in Hamilton’s case) something as a dramatic as a potential career change. As he describes why he makes music:
“In here, I can be me, I can be vulnerable, I can show a side of me that people don’t get to see”
There is some truth in that with all avenues of creativity that we choose to pursue for ourselves. So why is it that some of us are more comfortable in pursuing avenues and outlets of creativity while others just shy away?
Inhibitors of Creativity
For those of us who have had to really put ourselves out there (sometimes not by choice), initially some of the biggest challenges are those that come from within ourselves.
It’s the concern or worry of what others will think of our work, which cause us to second guess ourselves. The fear of rejection, which freezes us from taking action. It’s conforming to what is expected of us, which changes our approach and ultimately what we deliver. But once we are able to get over such hurdles and work outside of what we considered to be safe; the rewards don’t come instantly but they will come and are worth while in the long term.
Anyone who is able to get past these limiting inhibitors will have a unique mindset. A mindset that provides a source of encouragement to those around them, they are influencers, an asset within the workplace and become drivers for change.
As an example business innovation would not happen without such a mindset.
Innovation within Business
There are some great resources available on business innovation from books, podcasts and MOOC’s . These will give you the 1,2,3 steps of innovation from; how you ask the right questions, identifying new frames, incubating new processes etc.
But because innovation relies on the confidence of your own ideas and your ability to challenge the status quo. How effective you are in the execution of these steps are heavily dependent on your mindset.
The good news is that you are already working on your mindset through daily acts or more elaborate extra curricula activities (examples given earlier), it’s just that we don’t normally associate them with being creative or bold and leading with confidence.
We just need to make the connection.